Lyrics

[intro]

[Verse]
Oh Pete reviews the risk reports with careful contemplation
For dangerous activities across the British nation
He checks the forms for caving trips - now that's a hole career!
And when he spots a missing point, he makes it crystal clear

[Chorus]
He's outstanding in his field! (Like a scarecrow on patrol)
S-O-Ps and Risk Assessments, baked right in his soul,
Every form must pass his test, or revisions there'll be various
"These mountains aren't funny, squad, they're actually Hill Areas!"

[Verse]
The squaddies eyed his model mountain: "Is this thing made to scale?"
"No, just for looking at," Pete grins, and tells his favorite tale
The skiers love his thorough work, though some say he's a drag
But Pete just says "I'm going downhill" - that's his favorite gag!

[Chorus]
He's outstanding in his field! (Like a scarecrow on patrol)
S-O-Ps and Risk Assessments, baked right in his soul,
Every form must pass his test, or revisions there'll be various
"These mountains aren't funny, squad, they're actually Hill Areas!"

[Verse]
In Army days they called him "Pete, the one who checks it twice"
He'd say "Now troops, don't cross that bridge til you've checklisted it for ice!"
And when they're canoeing downstream, he shouts with all his might
"Get your notebooks out, add don't do this again at night!"

[Bridge]
They asked him once to check a cave
He said "This won't take long..."
But then he stepped into the dark
And everything went wrong!
"I should've seen that coming..."
(And worn a proper head light!)
"But I can't write-up whoever did this..."
"Those fucking stalactites!"

[Chorus]
He's outstanding in his field! (Like a scarecrow on patrol)
S-O-Ps and Risk Assessments, baked right in his soul,
Every form must pass his test, or revisions there'll be various
"These mountains aren't funny, squad, they're actually Hill Areas!"

[outro]